Wednesday, 31 January 2007

George Carlin's Rules for 2007

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for!There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days -- mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull.People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged.I have a better descrpition for these kids: "Lucky bastards."
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope.If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone.Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water.There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people.Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier!By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual.It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins.ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms.If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens.
Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries.You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white collar version of looting.
New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh.If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"

Tuesday, 30 January 2007

Apparently, I need one of those..

It costs about 130 bucks, but it blends the Margarita, it pours it, and it even keeps it cool. What more could a girl ask for?
I wonder if it also makes Cosmos, or Sangria...

Monday, 29 January 2007


I was pretty much as surprised as anyone else who logged onto the main site, only to find that the service will stop, since Google Video will erase all its contest from their data bases, after a formal demand from the copyright owners.

That was quite expected, rather sooner than later. The copyright wars are upon us since some years now, and, seriously now, how could this be a happy exception?

The main question is, though: What do you give us back for what you take from us? Pretty much nothing. ABC Network (to name just one) has all its shows available online after the premier airing is over. The greek channels authorities have not even dreamed of providing anything like that. In addition, it seems that the ridiculous and obsolete law structure prevents Greeks living (or working, or studying) abroad sharing the same TV with their brethren in Greece - they get a watered down, obsolete, and "special interest" variety of programs from the satellite greek channels.

Even if the satellite tv programs were of a content agreeable to most greeks abroad, not everyone can have a dish. I know for myself that I can't. My apartment building offers cable tv only. And, guess what? My provider does not offer a greek channels package. None at all. I can subscribe to watch Russian TV, and BBC America is not bad at all (I just wish that they showed more Python, Faulty Towers and Blackadder), but there's not greek tv in the horizon. Not one crumble.

So, to ask again, what do you give us back? Nothing at all. The only thing you manage to do is to cut us off even more from today's greek reality. We complain how the Greeks of the Diaspora are completely unfamiliar with the Greece of 2007. And if this fact could have a list of legitimate reasons until let's say the mid 90's, there's no reason for this today whatsoever. The World Wide Web has made the whole world as small as a rooster's butthole. And the people that have the actual power, or at least most of them (the fact that I can read TODAY's Greek paper on pdf is a marvel to me, you know, and I am eternally grateful to whomever thought of that idea!), won't do anything about it, even though they could do it in a way that it would bring them profit. Yes. Profit. Shiny blue and tan euro bills for them to collect. Provide streaming videos of the programs you play, for a subscription, or add commercials. I don't care either way. But I will be ecstatic to know what's going on in my homeland. I will be ecstatic to be able to converse with my family and friends, and not feel like a weirdo that is kept in a dark room for all eternity.

Good bye, You will certainly be missed...

Sunday, 28 January 2007

The first post.

This is the first post. I had my arm severely twisted by a very good friend of mine, who will be mercilessly linked in a very short amount of time.

This will probably be a not-very-often-updated mind dumpster. I hope y'all don't mind!

Much cheers!